Gray
by YourImpendingDemise123
Summary: Bella sees in grays. She's in constant pain, she needs Edward to show her the colors of the world around her. New view on things. First fanfic/not Eve's story. don't shoot eve


_This one is very strange, it's inspired by a fan fiction, I really liked it, and it was in my head for, like, three days, so I had to get it out…I liked the idea of emo kids in Forks. It's very convoluted, and screwed up, so consider yourself warned. It's my newest 'creation,' so R&R, por favor. ;P_

_I dont' plan on writing further, (one-shot) there aren't any quotation marks on purpose, it adds to the tone. It's very vague, but I'll explain down at the bottom, if you want to figure it out yourself, or if you want to look now. Your choice. If you read close you'll recognize some things from twilight. I don't own any of these characters, even though I messed Bella up. (Sorry)_

_Ash_

Depression is my everyday state of mind. Too much, too fast, it's all different and yet the same. This everyday monotony is killing me. Even out-of the ordinary things are the same. I think death would be the same. There's no where to run, the truth is as boring as the lies. This façade is murdering me. My life is shades of gray. But, wait, there's gold within the gray, hidden deep inside. Or, maybe, outside. Maybe for a moment, it's not as dull as brown. Maybe, for a moment, it's not all gray. Oops, pain, it seems I've done something wrong again. Everything is wrong here, at supposed 'home'. Gray blankets offer empty solace. Gray blankets offer empty reasons and unearned pain. Pain is my everyday state of mind. I can't seem to get away from it, at this place of learning. The world shifts around me, letting a little gold in, just enough to chase away the provokers. My defender helps me up, cold helping me further, more than he could know. What a stark contrast. Oh, well, the gray is closing back in as I set back down, wondering how to explain. Oh, well, no one cares. Gray offers no caring, but no pain either. Fade to gray, my only task. It's not the only thing I can't do correctly. Their faces give their disapproval, as do their grades. Oh, well, I couldn't write last night. Oh, well, no one cares. Their whispers follow me, echoing down the gray hallway. Gold intrudes again, they look troubled. Why would something so beautiful be so troubled. I shrug off his questions, asking only one in return:

Why do you care?

With that he pauses, and I get in my car. I drive home, thinking only of homework, any other topic being unsafe. Math, I think I can do it today. English, I'll try it, better than nothing. Science, easy enough, I suppose. The door slams, I jump and hit the wall. Only the first of that night. Not asking about my others, he only adds more. Pain is my everyday state of mind. I finish my homework, even though it hurts. Gray twilight, the only end to a gray day. My music paints a gray background for my dreams. Filled with more gray.

I rise and take a cold shower, cooling my wounds, taming the pain. For now. Gray is my only sort of comfort. Black is close enough. White is not enough. Silver, a shallow mix of them all, has stolen my gray space. Oh, well, I'll go fill another. Oh, well, I'm sure they didn't know. One class is as gray as the rest. More pain, more whispers. It feels so good to be numb. It's all a lie. I walk uninterrupted to my car. Slide into the gray seat, and drive toward the place I call home. It's an empty place, no feelings worth speaking of inside. Homework again as I contemplate what to feed the beast. Worthlessness is a scary place, but after a while it can become accommodating. More pain, I always seem to do something wrong. Why can't I do anything right. I'll try harder next time.

I slip into routine, unthinkingly doing what I always do. Disgust is so normal. Even my dreams are boring. Another day, another pain. Empty faces, empty comfort, empty gray. Nothing pushes past the gray today. It's almost perfect. Something was off again, earning agony. My efforts get only pain. Maybe I should stop trying so hard, since he always finds fault. I barely get through my homework tonight. I offset the routine and shower, my shampoo giving me some small, much needed comfort. I slip back into my room, toweling my hair. My skin prickles vaugely, I freeze, realizing I'm not alone. I turn slowly toward the corner, the darkest part of my gray room. My gray cracks. His gold is forcing it aside. They gauge my reaction as I sit slowly on the floor. I pause, waiting, as he watches.

Why do I care? Because you're in pain. Because in your eyes, I can tell that you're lost. Because I can't stand to see you hurt. Because I want to bring color into your gray world. And because you desperately need someone to care.

I shake, shaken. How did he know about the gray? It couldn't have been that obvious. I couldn't think of any words, so I sit there, stunned. His words turn in the silence. His eyes regard me, waiting. My gray further breaks, I can hear it, I think he can too. My eyes widen further as I find words escaping.

You can't know…it's horrible. Never-ending pain, no matter where I go. I'm always wrong. It's always the same. I…its…

I found I couldn't speak, and his arms were around me. He held me, but I pushed against him, fearing his touch. Colors seep in, and I notice the bronze of his hair.

Bella, I'll never hurt you. But if it makes you feel better you can take it out on me. I won't mind, it won't hurt.

My gray shatters.

No, no! Never! There's too much pain, to put someone else through that…the world needs more than pain! It needs…

I find my self sobbing into his shirt, my gray lost within the endless pain. I sob for all the times I couldn't, for what I've lost, for what I found, for my future.

Bella, I'll always be here, for as long as you need me. Forever and always. I'll walk you through this world alight with color, I'll keep the joy alive for you. I'll chase the gray away, keep you safe from it all. You can always find solace within my arms. I'll stitch you back together.

I was speechless and still sobbing.

Edward…the colors hurt my eyes.

I know, it'll be okay, I'm here.

He cradled me in his arms, helping the pain away. He hummed a bittersweet tune in my ear until, exhausted, I fell asleep. I woke in cold arms, glad not to be alone. Glad it wasn't just a painfully sweet dream. Another day, but it felt a little better, now that I have someone to share it with, someone who cares. Charlie was already gone, I made sure, so I made Edward wait downstairs as I dressed. Black again, colors still hurt. I walk slowly down the stairs, wondering if he would really be there, if it all really was just a dream. He sat at the table in a miss-matched chair. An angel in my kitchen, who would have guessed? He folds his strong white wings around me, easing the ache in my chest a little. I look up into his eyes, those burning eyes that saved me, and smile. It's the first real smile I've given in a while, however small it may be. I turn toward the day with the feeling of that smile on my face, and a cold arm around my waist, knowing that whatever the day brings, I would be okay.

--

_So, did ya' like it? Bella's dad is abusive, she's depressed, people at school beat her up. She sees in grays becaus it helps her cope. The gold is Edward's eyes. When silver steals her gray place, it's when Edward takes her parking spot. I suppose gray could be a motiff. Everything else is figure out-able, don't you think?_


End file.
